32 Lessons for 32 Years

Gather round kids, and listen to my hard-earned pearls of wisdom.

This week (Sunday, to be exact) is my birthday! I truly can’t believe that I’m turning 32. I know everyone says the same thing, but I still feel like a teenager half the time. The rest of the time, I see actual teenagers on social media romanticizing the era that I went to high school in and I feel impossibly ancient.

All that said, for as nervous as I was to be in my thirties, I have to say – I’m loving it. It’s really true that you stop caring as much what other people think of you. You feel like you finally know who you are, what you’re doing, and where you’re going. (At least, this has been my experience, I know it’s not true for everyone).

So today I thought I’d share 32 lessons I’ve learned over the years, from the profound to the extremely niche and specific. These are all things I either wish I knew, or had to learn the hard way, in my twenties.

Since it’s my birthday, I’m giving you a gift (because that’s how that works, right?). From now through Sunday, you can take 32% off an annual paid plan for the first year.

1. You don’t have to have everything figured out to get started.

Almost everything I’ve done in my career, I’ve said yes and figured it out on the way down. I didn’t know how to offer social media management services, but I did it. I didn’t know how I was going to find an apartment in Chicago and move all my stuff there in three weeks, but I accepted the job offer. I didn’t know what it was going to be like running my own business, but I quit my job and figured it out in real time.

2. No one is going to save you, you’re going to have to advocate for yourself.

This goes for everything from making doctor’s appointments to negotiating your salary to succeeding in a class. Once you’re an adult, ideally, you’ll have to learn to do these things for yourself. Oprah once said something along the lines of, “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” No one is going to hand you anything.

3. Romantic relationships are nice, but they should never be your entire personality.

Everyone knows someone who makes their partner their entire personality, or can’t exist if they’re not in a relationship. No one likes it. Don’t be that person.

4. It’s okay to sit out some trends.

Barrel leg jeans? Not for me. When I was younger, I felt like I had to keep up with every style trend. Now I know exactly what my personal style is, and I know which trends actually interest me (very few these days!) and which ones are best left for other people.

5. You’re never too old to start something new.

I used to just start projects with wild abandon when I was in my early twenties, but somewhere along the way, I started to feel like it was too late to start over or try something new. The last couple years has been about unlearning that – it’s literally never too late. The time will pass anyways.

6. Get back to the things you loved as a child.

Reading, drawing, sports, whatever it was – the things you loved when you were little were likely the purest expression of your interests before your brain got hijacked by hormones and algorithms and influencers.

7. Cancelled plans are great, but sometimes you need to just get out of your house even if you don’t feel like it.

Yes, everyone loves cancelling plans and staying inside now and then. But sometimes you should push past that feeling and just go do whatever it was you said you’d do. While there are plenty of legitimate reasons to skip out on something, most of the time you’ll end up having a great time if you just suck it up and get out there.

8. No one is paying as much attention to you as you are.

I say this with love. It’s one of the most helpful mindset shifts I’ve made. No one is going to notice if your hair is a little funky, or if your lipstick faded during the day, or if you have a zit on your forehead. They’re too busy worrying about things you didn’t notice about them. End of story.

9. You don’t need to post everything online.

I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this: no one wants to see 23 Instagram stories of a concert they weren’t at. I’m guilty of it too! Do you know how often I look at the 30-something videos I took at the Eras tour? Literally never.

10. Trust your gut.

If something feels off, it probably is, whether that’s with a job, a relationship, a business deal, anything. Your intuition is rarely wrong, if you have a gut feeling, for the love of all that is holy, LISTEN TO IT.

11. Sometimes, winners do quit, actually.

I’m just gonna insert my favorite meme here:

This is very funny to me and has also accidentally become one of the core pillars of my life. If you hate something, there’s no reason to keep doing it. This goes for relationships, gym memberships, classes, jobs, etc. Sure, sometimes there are obligations or responsibilities you need to manage, but still: if it isn’t serving you, just quit.

12. The worst case scenario is almost never going to happen.

If you can’t tell by… everything about me, I have a few anxiety disorders. And weirdly enough, one of the things that has helped me the most is to visualize what the worst case scenario would be for something that I’m anxious about and then realize that it’s almost never going to happen, so I can dial back my anxiety a few notches.

13. You can paint your apartment walls and hang up pictures.

Just do it. You’ll have so much more fun in life if your space is the way you want it. When it comes time to move out, just take a few days to repaint the walls back to whatever sad beige they came with, and/or fill the holes with spackle. It’s not hard.

14. Don’t go to college until you actually know what you want to do.

I think this is shifting slightly for younger kids, but when I was in high school, it was just expected that I (and everyone else) would immediately go to college. I had no clue what I wanted to do (or rather, I knew what I wanted to major in but not what I would actually do with it after that). I wasted a lot of money changing my major a few times, and while I can’t exactly say I regret that time in my life, I do wish I’d been a bit more prepared.

15. You need to learn to cook at least like five basic meals.

Like actual, well-balanced nutritional meals, not just butter noodles. It’s one of the most essential skills, imo.

16. You don’t have to have a lot of money to have great style.

Go to the thrift store, buy things on Poshmark, or shop on Thredup. Simple as. There are so many ways to get cool clothes or decor secondhand.

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17. Don’t neglect your friendships.

True blue, deeply-rooted friendships are one of the most valuable things in life. Make an effort to stay in touch, even if you all move to different states. Don’t neglect platonic friendships when you enter into a new romantic relationship. Send birthday cards and “just thinking of you” notes and host dinner parties and carve out time to spend together, regardless of how busy everyone’s lives get.

18. It’s never going to feel like the right time to get a pet, you should probably just do it.

I wanted a dog forever, and it never felt like the right time to get a puppy. Finally, the opportunity arose and we decided – it’s never going to feel like the right time, just make it work. And we did. This comes with a big caveat: if you live in a studio apartment, please don’t get a giant dog. If you work all the time and don’t have a lot of free time, do not get a dog that needs a ton of exercise and activity. Be smart and do your research, please and thank you.

19. Start a basic skincare routine sooner rather than later.

I think a lot of those 12-step skincare routines are bogus, but using a basic moisturizer, SPF, and cleanser can only bring good things.

20. Sometimes things that are expensive are worse.

You can pry my Aveeno Daily Moisturizer and Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm from my cold, dead hands.

21. You should live alone at some point in your life.

This is one of my firmest held beliefs. I am an only child and a loner by nature, so it came naturally to me, but I learned so much about myself and about how to function as an adult during the year I lived alone.

22. For the love of god, figure out a budget.

I was so bad with money in my early twenties. I never had a clue what I was spending it on, how much I had left, when bills were coming up, etc. Finally, when I got my first real job, I realized I needed a better system, and started using one of those tracking apps. Now I use YNAB, which is a paid app, but so so so worth it. It’s essentially a fancy version of the “envelope method” for budgeting, but something about it really clicked in my brain and finally helped me stick to a budget and understand where my money was going.

23. Speaking of, just stay away from credit cards.

As a brand new college student, I was inundated with tons of credit card offers for high interest rate, student-focused cards. I was paying my own way through college and didn’t really see an alternative, as I had maxed out the loans I was able to get. So I got three credit cards and basically used them for everything – until, whoops, now they’re maxed out, I can’t make the payments, and I can’t get any more credit cards because my usage is too high. I was still paying these suckers off five years into my career. And it wasn’t even that much!!!! It’s just that the interest was so high on these predatory offers that I couldn’t get out from under it.

24. Some things are worth paying for if you can.

Like movers. Oh my god, just hire the movers. Do not make your aging family members or friends help you move your Ikea furniture up five flights of stairs, just don’t!!!

25. If your dream job doesn’t exist, you can create it.

I have never once had an ounce of formal design training. But I have now freelanced, owned my own one-woman design studio, and worked at an amazing agency where I’ve done work for national brands and small businesses alike.

No one ever told me that I could make a living managing people’s social media, creating logos and packaging and websites for small businesses, or writing on the internet. Some of that was my own ignorance at a young age (my school had a graphic design program, for instance, I just literally had no clue what that was at the time).

26. Get out of the country.

One of my biggest regrets was that I didn’t try harder to study abroad when I was in college. I didn’t succeed in traveling internationally until I was 30, which was never the plan. Yes, travel is expensive, or it can be, but I could have tried harder to figure it out and learn what options were available to me for financial help in college especially. It’s never going to be cheaper to travel somewhere internationally long-term than when you’re in school.

27. You deserve to be treated with respect, whether it’s in your relationships or your career.

Something that seems like a no-brainer, but is surprisingly hard to remember when, for instance, you’re 23, in a brand new city where you know no one, and have uprooted your entire life for a job offer and your boss is constantly undermining your expertise, dismissing your ideas, and making you feel less-than. You deserve respect, end of story. If you’re not getting it, either demand it, or walk away.

28. Make friends with people older than you.

Some of my most rewarding relationships were with people 10, 15 years my senior. Especially when I was in my early twenties. Find a mentor in your career field who is a bit ahead of you, or just have coffee with a coworker that’s older than you. You’ll learn a lot.

29. Get off your damn phone once in a while.

There is so much beauty in this world (yes, even now). Go outside, go for a walk, take a trip, talk to a stranger, look around while you’re on the train, just unbury your face from that stupid phone for five seconds.

30. It’s 1000% less cringey to just graciously own a little misstep than to over-apologize.

I was talking to my husband about this the other day, but I always was so nervous about speaking in public and stumbling over my words. I don’t even mean like, speaking gigs, but talking in meetings or in class or whatever. But I’ve realized that no one is going to start yelling at you for getting tongue tied, forgetting a word, or not articulating something as eloquently as you’d like. If you make a little slip, just smile and start your sentence over again. It’s way more admirable than profusely apologizing or stressing over it. No one wants to hear that.

31. Keep a journal, or otherwise document your life.

I wish, more than anything, that I had done a better job journaling or documenting my twenties. Sure, there are plenty of photos with Snapchat filters or archived Instagram posts, but very little insight into what I was actually thinking and feeling. I can still remember most of it now, but I know it will fade someday, and I wish I had something to remember it by.

32. Your relationship with yourself is the longest, most intimate, and most important you will ever have.

Speak to yourself kindly. Treat your mind and body with love and respect. There is no use in hating yourself, it’s a compounding spiral. You’re going to be inside this body and brain until the day you die, so you might as well learn to love yourself, take care of yourself, and be comfortable in your own skin. If that means exercising a certain way, or changing your diet, or pursuing medical intervention, then so be it – but make sure it comes from a place of love, not hate.

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